Monday, 19 June 2017
A Bit About Me and My Trials
I've been sitting at my computer for some time now pondering my grand introduction. I'm essentially a working mum of two who lives in a seaside town with my other half. I have family and friends and a cat named Simba. I like books, wine, chocolate and generally vegetating in front of the TV when the kids are in bed. I try hard to enrich my children's lives, but occasionally they eat chips twice in one day and go to bed without their hair washed. There is nothing deeply extraordinary about me life- suffice to say 'grand' introductions are out the window.
What's different about me is my introduction to parenthood and how I now function with two kids.
Now, I realize this blog is the #MummyTrials but honestly, its the trials and tribulations of parenthood, for all parents. That means parents who met the love of their life, got married and popped out some babies, and those of us who entered into this world in less conventional methods and are still struggling to figure it out.
I met my other half three years ago in a pub after chatting on a dating site a few times. He's a wonderful man and I fell in love with him on our second date. It's a lovely story- but one for another time.
Now, this wonderful man of mine also came with a child. A 4 year old little boy, who, on first meeting me, told me I smelt like poo.
It's really hard, being a step parent. There is very little support and I guess that's because each situation can vary massively. Your step child could be male, female, baby, toddler, child, teenager, even adult! They could have the other parent in their life, they could have no contact. They could visit once a year, at weekends or live with you. You could have kids already or you could not. You could have no experience of kids what so ever, and be totally thrown in at the deep end! Whatever your situation though, there are around 70,000 of us in the UK and we seriously need to start talking and supporting one another.
My situation is as so; my step son lives with my partner and I full time and has no contact with the woman who gave birth to him. Although he calls me by my name, I am known as mum to anyone who asks. I hate the connotations around step parents (mothers in particular) and generally tell people I've adopted him (and in my eyes, I have). He moved in with us two years ago, after a period of 'transition' which was the hardest time in my life. We now have another son who is 4 months and they adore one another.
I found a number of things so difficult I almost gave up, and I still have days no where I'm not sure if I can do this. One of the hardest things is learning to accept you will never come first in your partners life. That's something I personally struggled with, but those of you who already have children might not have done so. On the other hand, I know people who have just had their first baby and are struggling to come to terms with the lack of attention and the change in the relationship with their partner since their biological child arrived. I sometimes find it hard to distinguish whats a result of us not being related and whats just 'normal' with any parent. I struggled with 'impostor syndrome' for a long time.
Our relationship continues to evolve. We are, for the most part, happy.
My other little boy has brought a whole new plethora of experiences and questions to wade through. From getting pregnant, the long nine months, giving birth and now bringing up the two boys. It's rewarding, fun, heartbreaking and hard all in equal measure.
I'd love to hear your experiences and comments to my entries, whatever your situation. Nothing quite beats knowing ur not on ur own!
Happy Reading xx