Wednesday, 2 August 2017

What Step Type Are You?

So according to my book, there are four main 'Step Mum' types. Do you agree? Which one are you? Do you find it helpful to have your role a little more defined or are we boxing things too much here?

Step Type 1
Your step children live with you for the majority of the time and you have children of your own from a previous relationship. These mothers tend to take on the traditional mothering role, making it easier in some respects to feel 'part of the family'. They often feel under a lot of pressure to balance work/life/kids/money and need to make time for themselves once in a while.

Step Type 2
Your step children live with you the majority of the time but you don't have children from a previous relationship. Its a fairly unusual type to be, the less common of the different groups but includes 1/5 step mums. They tend to have more feelings of resentment towards their new role and feel they have less support from friends and family (this is my 'type' and I feel exactly like this). They can struggle with the sharp contrast between the old life and the new, and may feel they have less time for their new relationship. They may also have to delay having their own children due to bringing up their step kids (as did I). This type of step mum usually makes the biggest change to her life.

Step Type 3
Your step children don't live with you the majority of the time and you have children from another relationship. These step mums usually handle the transition fairly well and are more confident when dealing with their step children. However, they often find it more difficult to bond with their step children and worry that when they show affection for the step child they might make their own children feel left out. It can take them much longer to build a relationship with the step child as they don't see them as often as a full time step mum. This step mum has to be quite flexible to include all children as the step child comes in an out of the family unit. Resentment can be an issue.

Step Type 4
This type accounts for 50% of step mums. Your step children don't live with you full time and you don't have any children of your own. They can often find it difficult to fit into their new role, and feel resentful for the impact their step children have had on their lives. They may feel confused and anxious about their responsibilities. They may find it hard to bond with the child as they don't see them often and probably don't have the experience with children. They see their relationship as a 'couple' rather than a family. Communication can be compromised and they can withdraw if they make an effort and are rejected.

I'm going into more detail on these Step Types in my vlog, which I will post on here. Let me know what step type you are and if you agree with the description of your situation on facebook- #MummyTrial and on Twitter 

**Info taken frpm Lisa Doodson's book How to be a Happy Step Mum

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